Sex appeal.

Please give generously.

I shall, as is my wont, be completing the Severn Challenge for charity (I do a lot of good work for charity but don't like to talk about it.) I also once won a pair of sunglasses for improving from dreadful to almost average during one day of a stage race, though I don't like to talk about that either. Neither does my partner in crime from that glorious day, 'Hasn't entered yet Dave'...Remember, finger on the picture at the top of the page, chant 'enter, enter', that's the spirit.

I notice from the disreputable online haunts which I frequent (and you probably frequent too) that it's that time of year again. You know, when people start asking 'How do I raise money for my cause? They want £1000 in return for giving me my London Marathon place.' Or 'Please will you cough up some cash so I can have a free trek down the Inca Trail/ to the top of Ayers Rock/ into the Number 2 reactor at Fukushima; if there's any left over, I'll donate it all to Save the Marmoset.'

It used to be simple back in the day; you asked for sponsorship to run a marathon and people sponsored you to do just that; nowadays it's all cake sales and 'Bring your Marmoset to work' days (or 'the first £900 goes towards my NBC suit')

I can promise you that you'll get none of that from me. I'll be running the Severn Challenge because I want to and entirely at my own expense; if anyone would like to donate to my chosen charity, I'd greatly appreciate it, but there's no obligation and no pressure. No marmosets will be harmed if you don't, I promise.

'Hang on a minute,' I hear you mutter, 'you've wittered on about the 'appeal' bit, but you promised us sex.' Well, I'm now below twelve and a half stone and have the finely-turned legs of a Victorian dining table, but I'm no Brad Pitt. Sorry.