Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Doctor doctor, I've got a strawberry growing out of my bum.

I'll give you some cream for that.

I've decided to blog on, even though I have nothing but an Autumn marathon planned. I thought I'd start with my words of advice to tennis players at Wimbledon.

The first two balls that you've been given will be fine. There's no need to reject one of them in favour of the third or fourth ball. Look, you've served a double fault, even with the balls you've chosen; it's not them, it's you.

You've just played a three-shot rally lasting less than 10 seconds; it's not made you sweat that much and you don't need to mop your fevered brow with a towel. Just get on with it.

Next time you're choosing your playing shirt, pick a size smaller; that way, you won't have to keep adjusting it after every point. For the longer term, ask your kit manufacturer if they've ever heard of Lycra.

In hamster news, we've just had a lovely 10 days in Cornwall, despite the best efforts of the British summer. We were able to confirm that wearing a hat really doesn't make you interesting...

This fence post is no more interesting than the average, despite its hat

...and here is a classic example of the exceedingly rare 'double plural with grocer's apostrophe'...

How many cakes?

I have undeniably been drinking too much cider and eating too many pasties and cakes, so I've gained 10lb; from now on, I won't be having cream with that.

No comments:

Post a Comment